Falling or Flying
by Summoner Luna
Summary: He's come a long way, really...Three Otaconcentric one shots taking place during Big Shell. He thinks a lot, it would seem. SnakexOtacon only if you're looking for it.
1. I can fly twice as high

If I could send a message to my muse, it would be to stop sending me plot bunnies right as I am about to fall asleep. All three of  
these oneshots were written very late at night and I've read them several times to check for typos (of which I am unbelievably good at), however if I missed any, or if sentences still give the feeling of trying to walk through a gap between mountains when the mountains won't stop getting in the way...let me know :)

Different writing style with these than normal...Feedback is shiny :)

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My heart is probably near the verge of exploding, and Snake is leaning over the side of the helicopter tossing down boxes of ammo I probably couldn't even lift as though they were well…cardboard boxes, and he doesn't even seem phased by it. I smell a cigarette. He's leaning against the side of the cargo door, shrouded in smoke, arms crossed. I know he hears it all the time and he hates it, but he really is the picture of an action hero.

"Hold on," I shout to him, doing everything I can to keep this stupid thing near enough to the bridge to where we can still support Raiden, but far enough away so that we won't get caught in the crossfire. Raiden's a good shot, but he's kind of under a lot of pressure, and everyone makes mistakes, and Solidus is doing a really good job of trying to keep us in the middle. Bastard.

I'm trying desperately to make myself sound calm. Or at least…not terrified. I'm not sure why, really, but I think it's more just because if I focus on sounding calm, I might **be** calm. Snake certainly isn't going to judge me for panicking, though I'll probably get at least a disapproving grunt, maybe even a full sentence, to remind me that it's when you let yourself get worked up and stop focusing on the mission that things go wrong.

But I've come a long way, really. Hell, I'm flying a helicopter…Dr. Emmerich definitely does **not** know how to fly a helicopter. He hates flying, actually, even if he does understand the science behind it. He would be far beyond terrified right now. But I'm finding that _Otacon_ is almost exhilarated by the whole thing. Well, he would be if it weren't for the missiles that keep whizzing past us, trying to settle a mix of a twisted sibling rivalry and…well, we still aren't really sure about this kid's history, but he's got to be connected to Solidus **somehow.**

"How you doing Hal?"

Snake is beside me now, staring down at the control panel of the chopper even though I know he can't really tell what anything does. He opted out of the VR training I've been through. I never really asked why and he never volunteered, but my guess has always been that in his mind he would feel like he was comparing himself to Liquid. Snake prefers to be in the middle of the action if there's going to be any, and I think not learning was his way of making sure he never found himself in a situation where he was fighting from the inside of a cockpit. This was probably the closest he had any interest in getting—honestly it was probably driving him nuts not to be the one down on the bridge, but he seems to be the only brother who got the 'time and place' gene, and he listens to it.

"We're holding out fine. How's he?"

"Surprisingly resilient. I don't know many people who could have stayed alive this long."

"I know one," I grin at him in the most flirtatious way I think I am capable of, and he laughs (it's rare for him to really laugh, so I do what I can do induce it as often as possible), and touches a hand to my arm, giving it a slight squeeze, and—

And of course, this is the moment Raiden picks to fire a rogue missile straight into us.

"Dammit! Watch where you shoot that thing!" I yell out, fighting back the urge to laugh at comedic timing, and Snake shakes his head and resumes his post in the cargo hold, lighting another cigarette as he walks.


	2. A bit preoccupied with protection

Snake disappears around the corner, no more than a shadow, blurred through the glass of the computer room.

I'm alone in here now. He's assured me countless times that nobody is going to come in, that security over the whole shell right now is pretty much cameras and traps and I don't have to worry about either one of those, but that doesn't make the glass seem any less clear or the lights any less bright. I feel like I could be wearing something brightly colored, something that's sure to get attention in an otherwise drab and lonely room.

Sometimes I miss the days when I used to rely on optic camouflage. It didn't do much for my pride, but I'm an engineer, not a solider, and I think the fact that I'm in this situation at all is enough to garner me a little wiggle-room in terms of self-respect.

No optic camo anymore, though. Snake says it's unreliable, and I guess he's right. Better to not have it in the first place than to have it short out on you when you really need it. Plus he thinks it makes you do risky things. So now, in place of invisibility, I have a holster strapped to my belt with a fully loaded handgun tucked behind my jacket where no one can even see it.

I can shoot a gun. Not something I ever imagined I would say about myself, but Snake…well, he didn't really insist that I learn, but it seemed like he wanted me to once it looked like I was going be tagging after him in the field for this one. I can't really say I blame him…he doesn't really have the best memories associated with people working next to him. Of course, a handgun doesn't really help against bridges getting blown away or incredibly deadly snipers…Meryl was a much better shot than I'll ever be, but I'm pretty sure that girl was just cursed. I think about her occasionally and wonder how she's doing, but of all the topics with Snake that are taboo, that one is off-limits even to me. I figure the only way I'll ever know what really happened is if I run into her on a battlefield one day.

But anyway, I guess after watching the woman his best friend loved fly off a bridge, rendering him helpless, before he discovered the truth, and then watching the woman _he_ loved be shot and eventually tortured, rendering him helpless, before he _realized_ the truth…it was enough to make him want anyone near him armed. So, I carry a gun, and I know how to fire it, and I have pretty decent aim…but I've never been faced with a human adversary before, and it isn't something with which I'm sure I deem myself ready to confront. But then, there's something about the fluorescent stage lights and increasingly transparent (well, to me at least) glass walls that make me want to reach for that thing and hold onto it like it's been grafted to my arm.

Instead I choose option C—log into a computer and absorb myself in work. I've been told I have an annoying habit of blocking out the world when I do that, so I figure for once it could work to my advantage…I know I'm not any less visible than before that way, but Snake is always telling me to channel my emotions…hopefully this gut-wrenching fear of exposure and abandonment is just what I need to kick myself into gear.

After all…once E.E. gets here…well I can't let her down, right?

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_ Bonus points to anyone who knows where I pulled the title of this one from..._


	3. Family Matters

I'm stained, right now. Blood on my clothes and hands and tears on my cheeks, but as soon as I step off the elevator I know, for the next few moments, I have to pretend like I am not. E.E…_Emma's_, parrot is flying ahead of me, and part of me wants to run forward and grab it and hold it because right now it might be all I have left. Snake will be fine, he always is, but dammit I'm in grief, and I just watched one person I love die literally _in my arms_, so I'm entitled to a little pessimism. Especially since the last person I have (okay so not entirely the last if you count the rest of the group, but they don't count in **quite** the same way) is heading into the bowels of a horrible weapon that I inadvertently helped to create, led by a woman we're still not entirely sure we're right in trusting, where lies waiting a brother who definitely wants him dead, and the person I am convinced is the most dangerous and despicable man to ever grace the earth. Who may or may not be occasionally possessed by the _other_ brother that wants Snake dead.

Sometimes when I look at Snake I'm reminded that maybe my family isn't so twisted after all. I look at the blood, still fresh and red, on my clothes, and think…maybe I'm lucky? I mean, ideally when you're reunited with your sister (who was also your best and only friend for a good portion of your life), she doesn't die fifteen minutes later. And I won't even go into the circumstances of why we were estranged in the first place…and then there's the whole history of aiding in nuclear warfare…but I guess if I had tears to cry over her it means it could have been worse. At least no one in my family has ever tried to kill me using what is essentially a huge robot capable of destroying small countries when properly equipped. Though I guess I did kind of kill my father…in an accidental sort of way. I may have Snake beat for that one…he at least had the excuse of kill or be killed.

Ah. There's that pessimism again.

"Hal!"

The bird is flying circles over my head now and I tell myself that it is not going to leave, and even if it does it doesn't matter because saving these people is more important than a parrot I just met.

But it occurs to me as I'm closing the cargo door to the chopper, over the sounds of crying, worried thanks, and persistent squawking, that the women in my life really need to stop having pets.

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Confession: this entire thing started over the thought of Otacon's opinion of himself carrying a weapon. But the first two scenarios I tried to bring that idea to turned into...well, the first and third of these oneshots. Apparently, Hal just has a running internal monologue for everything. Who knew:) 


End file.
